How To Build A Strong And Healthy Family Communication

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In order to build a strong and healthy family communication for firmer and more intact family relationships, each family member must be aware of the types of family communication based on Family Communication Patterns Theory, not just wanting to be heard for his own position. Knowledge of what the Bible says about Family Structure is also a foundational basis to cling on and walk with for an orderly and healthy result.


Miscommunication: One Major Cause Of Family Problems




unhealthy discussion



One major cause of family problems is miscommunication. Holistic goals for the family may not be properly laid down and each member may be walking to reach out for his personal targets. Unconsciously, you may already be leaving alone or hurting another member instead of walking along and uplifting each other.



Both Parents and Children Want To Be Heard

Both parents and children want to be heard.


Daddy used to expect things going well within the family while most of the time silent inside the house and busy when working outside for the family needs provision. Mommy, either working outside or not, often does the talking or nagging.


Children may not be fully matured to really understand what Dad and Mom want. There may be times they yell back or just intentionally disobey.


Some children follow their own decision for matters important to them even with parents’ disapproval. For consistent disapproval, they are already skipping asking consent.


Parents may impose sanctions just to win the case.


But what should really be the pattern of communication for a win-win situation?


Types Of Family Communication Patterns

Family Communication Patterns Theory identified 4 types of family communication patterns based on conversation orientation and conformity orientation. These are pluralistic, consensual, laissez-faire and protective. I have summarized them on the chart below:



types of family conversation patterns





With the type, according to Conversation, family members can open a conversation and freely discuss one’s own opinion. While with Conformity, only one member has the authority to decide who is usually one of the parents or guardians.


Our very own pattern of communication can be seen above. One thing I have learned in my life is to be true to myself. To evaluate the pros and cons of what is happening within the family. Accept my own mistake, if there is, and be flexible to adapt as needed. But for the things I believe are true, I stand firm and carefully mentor my children with love, not dictate.


The Bible On Family Structure

When every member insists their own opinion or stand, the family may always be posed in chaos or brokenness. It is very hard to win.


It is God’s grace to reveal His own design for couples in Ephesians 5:21-24.


21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


From the verses above, it should be that wives are not the one who have the final decision. But husbands decide in consideration of wife and treating her as his own self. Although, not literally written in this verse, man’s head is Jesus Christ. As he submits to Christ, so the wife submits to husband. I vowed myself to this hierarchy and the result is very good. Even if I have my own opinion, my husband listens, considers and approves if well explained.


Children and parent relationship has been discussed in Ephesian 6: 1-4.


1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.


Let me emphasize verses 2-3, in honoring parents, children will enjoy long life on earth? Can you relate with that? In my opinion, parents love their children. Based on their experience, other’s experience or history, certain acts have high probability of leading to unwanted situations. Parents may have advance coaching that children may not still imagine. But honoring their parents’ instruction by obedience will certainly prevent them from possible risk.


I have been searching for verse in the Bible for parents listening to children but it rather gave this verse of not exasperating or fully irritating or frustrating.


And how will the children get exasperated? One is not being able to speak out – what are his passion? Can he try his chosen career? Select his own friends and the like.


How will they understand each other?


This is where effective communication comes.


The Bible verses above speak of who is in authority and it also implies loving consideration. Listening and weighing views. Deciding, favoring the whole family. To be objective, pros and cons can be jot down. SMART ( specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-based) goal is also a good tool for an objective and not biased goal.



In this article, I have discussed how miscommunication poses a problem to families. Chaos or broken family relationship when each member want to be heard and not considering others’ thought or feelings. Types of family patterns according to conversation and conformity orientation plus Biblical position of family structure were also presented to help us build a strong and healthy family communication and relationship.


Hope you learn from this article. In case you have questions, clarification or comments, kindly write them in the comment section below and I will be glad to answer you.












22 thoughts on “How To Build A Strong And Healthy Family Communication

  1. Oh yes, family communication is very important, even with my own husband. Corona times have been challenging for relationships of any kind. For the first time since we have been married, we had to get counsel from a therapist (online), because our communication wasn’t a hundred percent anymore. And if kids are involved as well, that makes it even more complex. Thank you for these insights!

    1. Good thing that you are seeking counsel. It means you have high regard for your family relationship and you are determined to continue what you have started.  Your family is not alone in being tested. We are all undergoing trials in different ways. But it is important that your goal is to stick around, strongly and happily bonded. 

      You will certainly get that good goal by God’s grace and mercy!

      Thanks for appreciating my article.

  2. Very interesting discussion about communication within families. The biblical direction is one that works as long as each one respects the other. ‘Each for the other and all for the Lord’. I think there can be good relationships in families that Christ is at the center and love is the theme every time. Do everything in  love. I appreciate that diagram which provides a visual summary of the topic and shows that there is a science to it. Thank you for this article.

    1. You got my point very well JJ. If Christ is truly the head or center of the family, the the types of communication will not be issues anymore. Love and respect are inevitable for people embracing the message of the Bible. And things will be spontaneous as each member  truly love and respect each other’s opinion and passion. I think they will have common values. 

      Thanks for your valuable comment. 

  3. Wow. I must admit you have really gone into a topic that I have been thinking about for a long time and I’m glad that God brought me to your website. I think that you are right that both parents and children honestly need to be heard. When I love most about your article is that you brought the Bible into it because it is such an instructional and wise book

    1. Thanks Misael for liking my article. Hope to reach more families and inspire them to have a more healthy relationship.

      You can still make your long time dream topic. There are so many ways we could reach to Moms and motivate them. Actually, I am looking for a site from our community about Moms that I can link to my articles. Who knows, it might be yours.

      I still see the spirit of helping each other within the community until now. In fact, I see stronger attachment as months go by.

  4. This is an interesting and very important topic. We always speak about communication between husband and wife but never really looked at it holistically for the entire family which is important. I glad I stumbled upon this article, I am going to take what I learned here use it as a foundation to dive deep into this subject and to implement within my family.

    1. I am so glad that you learned something from my article. You are open-minded in receiving what you can improve from your husband and wife relationship. 

      Your baby is also blessed so much for you to teach her effective family communication. Congratulations! I see in you a worry free family relationship especially when your child grow more.

  5. This is an excellent post and one that I have really enjoyed reading.

    I think that there is a misconception on the role of a man over his wife.  He is only head in relation to spiritual matters and equal as in agreement with wife in other matters.

    The four styles are interesting but I think that it is important to allow children to have their say and to be listened to.  It is then the parents role not to simply say no, but to give a full explanation, if applicable.  Even if they don’t accept it, it is not the important point but that they know the reason.

    Family life can be hard.  But talking things through and praying about it as a family is important.

    1. Hi Geof, 

      Thanks for enjoying reading my post.

      In that case, would you choose the Pluralistic type of communication? After deliberating  all  the points of each member, you will vote for the decision to be made? That means you will be more flexible and will sacrifice part of your own decision. Or the Consensual type of communication wherein, you will give all members to speak out, and explaining their points. Consider their opinion, weigh the pros and cons together and out of the analysis, a parent or guardian ( if parents are no longer involve in the circle) will announce the consensus decision.

      I am sorry, but this is how I find the meaning of the types of family communication but I was not able to discuss in my article this detailed. Although I see the spiritual and each member’s understanding will lead to  consensual communication.

      You are the reader anyway, not my interpretation but the reader’s is important. This gives me the idea of elaborating more to be understood.

      Thank you for that very open opinion which helped me to check the clarity of my post. 

  6. Hi, this article is very insightful on the modes of communication that can prevail within a family. I can reflect on my own experience both growing up and as a father. I wonder whether there also aren’t cultural biases towards certain places on the conversation spectrum. I come from an English background and low levels of communication were very common. Not only in my own family but I also observed the same in the families of friends and relatives. There can be little doubt though that low conversation is dysfunctional and leads to poor outcomes. By coincidence, last night my wife and I were mesmerized by a recent movie that we sat and watched called Hope Gap. It was a very poignant story of a family that just fell apart through lack of communication and the devastating impact on the wife and the young adult son. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Best regards, Andy

    1. Hi Andy, 

      Thank you for your valuable insights and self reflection. I also appreciate you having your own family and being open minded with effective family communication. I presumed your wife also. 

      Information technology is upgrading through time, the culture, family level status and the like, also dictate how people can avail of information. You can now, I do and so others will.

      We may want to share very outspoken , or we may want our action and family ties speak for us about strong and healthy communication.

      Congratulations for seeing things through! ask for God’s grace, too. We have good plans and He blesses our plans to manifest.

  7. Thank you so much for this very interesting article. Yes, I am with you children and parents have to listen more to each other. Respect and harmony are the keys to happy family life. Of course, the good old bible can help to solve most problems. Reading and understanding the bible can lead children and parents to follow the right path. The path of peace and happiness. You are doing a great and important job writing about this topic. Respect, I will surely share this with my social community. Have a beautiful day. God bless you. 


    1. Thanks Monique for all the compliments about my article. 

      The way you concur about the topic and for sharing it, I appreciate a lot!

  8. How imporant is comunicarion inside the famiy. And how important is when we follow God’s model for the family.
    I had recently been considering that Abraham must have been a devoted father, once he finally had his son Isaac. We see Isaac fully putting himself in his father’s hands in Genesis 22.

    1. Thanks for commenting and finding the essence of an effective family communication.

      Wishing the best for your family!

  9. I think so many families struggle with this very thing and parents just don’t know how to ask the right questions. Thank you for posting such a positive and useful resource that so many people struggle to find or even know where to start. This has so many important points that anyone can utilize and apply to every day things.

    1. Thank you for seeing my article of help. It is in my heart for people, specially families to be intact together by the grace of God.

  10. Hi Rose,

    Good article on family communication. I like the way you quote from the Bible and it gives your article more authority.

    Being a father of 3 girls at home, I need help from my wife to give them the right values and also having a good family bonding. It could be challenging at times, especially when our girls are growing up from teenage to adult. They will have their opinion and is good that family can refer to Bible for guidance as what you have mentioned in the article.

    The pluralistic at the left side of your High Conversation Orientation is the perfect solution for a family to communicate effectively. I would be happy that my family is able to achieve 70~80% of this ideal stage. 

    Thank you for sharing with us the right approach in communicating effectively within our family. with the help of our Bible, it provide lights to shine on the family when they encounter issues at hand.

    1. Thank for for finding my article good for family communication and relating how you are doing within your home.

      I included the Bible authority so that when everybody insist on their own opinion and the family cannot really come out bonded together, we can always come to a tested reference of holistic and rightful advice.

      Keep up with what you started and I am sure you will not only get efficient output but also divine direction and happy relationship!

      God bless your family and all your endeavors!

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